At some point you have to just learn to let go. I don't mean to just turn the other cheek when someone wrongs you, but to actually let shit go. Relationships that end aren't meant to be picked up at a later date and time, if you aren't willing to work on something in the present then you will never be willing to work on it. The truth is there's a big difference between saying and doing! Saying you want to make a change about yourself and actually working on making that change aren't two parts to a book; they're two completely different books!
At some point people stop wanting you to talk about what you're going to do and just do it. Otherwise you live your life in a complacent state that leaves you feeling like there is a hole in the middle of you!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Losing yourself
In a relationship a partner may find themselves dealing with a struggle they are unaware of; loving them we take it upon ourselves to make their problem ours. Unfortunately, in the midst of trying to help someone else we often lose ourselves. How then does a person both commit to fully to oneself and another equally?
It's as if the question is a topic for great philosophical discussion. There is no simple way to rationalize equality.The truth is when someone's hurting you feel selfish focusing on yourself and if you focus on them to much they seem to become selfish. The hardest may be the person who focuses solely on you. As you endeavor to find an answer to their problem they start to find problems you have and try to fix them. Which almost always leads to an argument because neither of you wants to discuss the underlying issue.
What is it that makes us so afraid to talk about our feelings? The talk of the town is that television and video games are at fault for the spike in violence amongst adolescents, that television has changed so greatly and has such an influence on the youth of a generation; is it then television's fault that there is a generation of twenty somethings running around afraid of feelings.
Seriously, look around you at how many people in relationships say they aren't in relationships. These tactfully made monogamous relationships where there is no title, but all the workings of a relationship. Then they just call it quits to try something with someone new and when that doesn't work out they run back to one another. (IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE LIKE THIS YOU ARE LUCKY) It seems like everybody is afraid to make an emotional attachment, as if it were the apocalypse.
DENIAL!
These are people who look in the mirror and want to conquer the world. They put 110% into everything they do, except being emotionally invested. I'm not an investment guru, but love is like the stock market and if you don't invest you never see a return.
Honestly, women who sit their and talk about getting married and having kids, but will allow themselves to be used by a man on his accordance just go fly a kite in traffic. Mr. Right isn't the guy who's calling you to come over at midnight after you've hung separately all night, ALL THE TIME; and if you think he could be different than change your situation. He doesn't want to try to change it (even if it fails once or twice) then tell him to hit the road, because trust the sex will be better somewhere else.
This is part of the reason that people aren't getting emotionally invested when the right person does come along. They have either A) burned themselves out spilling their emotions up and down the wrong road or B) have become so accustomed to going with the flow they don't know how to invest. Either way it's a problem!
It's as if the question is a topic for great philosophical discussion. There is no simple way to rationalize equality.The truth is when someone's hurting you feel selfish focusing on yourself and if you focus on them to much they seem to become selfish. The hardest may be the person who focuses solely on you. As you endeavor to find an answer to their problem they start to find problems you have and try to fix them. Which almost always leads to an argument because neither of you wants to discuss the underlying issue.
What is it that makes us so afraid to talk about our feelings? The talk of the town is that television and video games are at fault for the spike in violence amongst adolescents, that television has changed so greatly and has such an influence on the youth of a generation; is it then television's fault that there is a generation of twenty somethings running around afraid of feelings.
Seriously, look around you at how many people in relationships say they aren't in relationships. These tactfully made monogamous relationships where there is no title, but all the workings of a relationship. Then they just call it quits to try something with someone new and when that doesn't work out they run back to one another. (IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE LIKE THIS YOU ARE LUCKY) It seems like everybody is afraid to make an emotional attachment, as if it were the apocalypse.
DENIAL!
These are people who look in the mirror and want to conquer the world. They put 110% into everything they do, except being emotionally invested. I'm not an investment guru, but love is like the stock market and if you don't invest you never see a return.
Honestly, women who sit their and talk about getting married and having kids, but will allow themselves to be used by a man on his accordance just go fly a kite in traffic. Mr. Right isn't the guy who's calling you to come over at midnight after you've hung separately all night, ALL THE TIME; and if you think he could be different than change your situation. He doesn't want to try to change it (even if it fails once or twice) then tell him to hit the road, because trust the sex will be better somewhere else.
This is part of the reason that people aren't getting emotionally invested when the right person does come along. They have either A) burned themselves out spilling their emotions up and down the wrong road or B) have become so accustomed to going with the flow they don't know how to invest. Either way it's a problem!
Friday, September 7, 2012
Dear SEXES
SO! I've found that in general men need to be liked. Now I'm no psychologist but seriously have you ever met a man that is okay with being disliked? Bet you can't think of one and if they say they don't care believe me they are lying. For some reason men are programmed with an innate necessity to be
loved by everyone. Ever notice when they do something wrong they don't
just admit to it; they have to make you see it their way, and when all
else fails to make you see their point of view they agree that you're
right and apologize, saying they were wrong.
NO! REALLY?!!
Now if you've just met a man he more than likely won't care (not because he doesn't care if people like him, but because your opinion doesn't matter. You haven't established yourself as a valid necessity in his life.), but if he's invested time into you and a relationship, even if he's cheating, he will not be able to have you mad at him.
This is also true about mothers and sons. They have a strong relationship whether he's a momma's boy or not and her will always run to his mother's side. The worst women (mothers, girlfriends, wives) are the ones who manipulate men. They recognize this innate weakness men have and they manipulate it.
If you have ever really been mad at a man; I mean mad to the point where their apology does nothing to ease the pain and feels more like salt being thrown on the wounds, you'll see them start to do these little things to try to make everything better, to make you not mad. First. they try to give you a kiss on the lips. If you deny the kiss they will try to kiss you anywhere (forehead, hand, shoulder). Second, they will ask if you need anything and they will do anything within reason (massage, cook, run to the store). If you give them a reason to run out quickly believe me they are calling their best friend and are making a game plan. The best friend game plan is to: a) ask their opinion on how to fix the problem, b) ask them to call them so they can ignore the call, showing you how much you mean to them, and c) have them call or text a second time. The importance of the second time is this; if you haven't forgiven them by the second call they make an excuse to go see their friend and if you have forgiven them to show you that you're more important than their friends.
WOMEN, men in fact do not do these things purposefully. They don't care to really sit there and think of master plans on how to manipulate us and situations (they would rather use that brain power to make money) it really just comes accidentally and naturally to them.
As a woman it is your job to do what comes accidentally and naturally to you; BE AWARE. What do you think women's intuition is? Well here is the answer! Women have an ability to be aware of so many things at once and not even realize it so we call it women's intuition, when really it's the power of perception.
Women pick and choose your battles. Think of your long term goal for the relationship and I mean really think of it before you say "there's the door go", because if you stop being aware of your partners feelings you will in fact push them away.
When you push men away you make them emotionally unavailable for the next woman. So do not under any circumstances manipulate men, their feelings, or the moments you have with them. Because if you do, KARMA is real, you will be manipulated when your heart matters the most.
NO! REALLY?!!
Now if you've just met a man he more than likely won't care (not because he doesn't care if people like him, but because your opinion doesn't matter. You haven't established yourself as a valid necessity in his life.), but if he's invested time into you and a relationship, even if he's cheating, he will not be able to have you mad at him.
This is also true about mothers and sons. They have a strong relationship whether he's a momma's boy or not and her will always run to his mother's side. The worst women (mothers, girlfriends, wives) are the ones who manipulate men. They recognize this innate weakness men have and they manipulate it.
If you have ever really been mad at a man; I mean mad to the point where their apology does nothing to ease the pain and feels more like salt being thrown on the wounds, you'll see them start to do these little things to try to make everything better, to make you not mad. First. they try to give you a kiss on the lips. If you deny the kiss they will try to kiss you anywhere (forehead, hand, shoulder). Second, they will ask if you need anything and they will do anything within reason (massage, cook, run to the store). If you give them a reason to run out quickly believe me they are calling their best friend and are making a game plan. The best friend game plan is to: a) ask their opinion on how to fix the problem, b) ask them to call them so they can ignore the call, showing you how much you mean to them, and c) have them call or text a second time. The importance of the second time is this; if you haven't forgiven them by the second call they make an excuse to go see their friend and if you have forgiven them to show you that you're more important than their friends.
WOMEN, men in fact do not do these things purposefully. They don't care to really sit there and think of master plans on how to manipulate us and situations (they would rather use that brain power to make money) it really just comes accidentally and naturally to them.
As a woman it is your job to do what comes accidentally and naturally to you; BE AWARE. What do you think women's intuition is? Well here is the answer! Women have an ability to be aware of so many things at once and not even realize it so we call it women's intuition, when really it's the power of perception.
Women pick and choose your battles. Think of your long term goal for the relationship and I mean really think of it before you say "there's the door go", because if you stop being aware of your partners feelings you will in fact push them away.
When you push men away you make them emotionally unavailable for the next woman. So do not under any circumstances manipulate men, their feelings, or the moments you have with them. Because if you do, KARMA is real, you will be manipulated when your heart matters the most.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Once in a while
Maybe it's a girl thing, but do you ever just want the person you're dating to randomly say "I love you"?
Now I don't mean for the first time, but after dating for a while it seems like those three words only come into play when one of you is leaving or when you're getting off the phone.
Maybe it's just insecurities but random I love you's and thank you's go far.
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