Happy

Life is going well for a woman who never thought she could have it all!

Realizing

When everything in you decides to put what you want to do on the back burner because someone needs you that's when you know it's love...

Every Day

I fall asleep with a smile on my face still feeling like it's all a dream

I wake up and there you are looking back at me

I opened my heart unintentionally and in you came 

I never thought I would find someone to compliment me

I always believed in another half through a doppelgänger theory

I wake up every day glad that I'm with you!

Crazy Days

So for once I finally realized that all the hurt and pain I've allowed to fill me were worth the battle. 

Someone once said to me "things like this I don't think are fate, there's a higher being at work... JC" I finally agree with that. Patience is a virtue some say you can't learn it, but I wish to disagree because you can learn to let certain things not consume and in turn you learn to be patient with yourself. 

Writing has always been my outlet for anger and sadness and it has calmed my soul, but now it's time I use it to rejoice in my happiness...

Sometimes the road is one we never knew was available to us and when it does we find the road blocks are small an easy to move! 

I'm happy to be going down this road!!!

Secrets within

Last night I gave up a piece of myself and I don't know how you took what I said... You haven't really said anything to me except that you want to make your decision sooner rather than later, but I'm scared that means it'll be sooner to no longer having you in my life...

Stick by yourself

The nonsense of life will always creep into your happy place, the battle is remembering why you were happy in the first place. Going back in your decisions will only make you feel weak. Stick by yourself, because until you know how to make yourself happy you will never be able to make anyone else happy.

The fork in the road merges ;)

It's funny how when you take the hard road you find exactly what you want!

Maybe I've been the type of person to never like things to come easily, but I'm quite enjoying the ride I'm on in my life right now. 

So here's to making new memories at all costs!!!

First contact

You said you miss me more than you thought you would and even though it felt good to know my fear crept up and filled my soul. I don't know what tomorrow brings and I never will, but I know how afraid I am that I will never be the one who you call home. 

I keep playing it over and over in my head that it's not a big deal, preparing myself for the future, not knowing if you'll stay or go. 

So here's day 2/9... Let's see what the next week brings!

The random things that makes the heart skip a beat

I said you picked me and you said for me to come into your life it must be the doing of jc because for someone to come in and make an impact like I have you couldn't of picked me it must've come from a higher being...

Let's see what time brings...

The Turning Point

I woke up one day and unbeknownst to me that night would bring quite a change to my life. 

It began normal as any other; struggling with the ideas of what work could entail, dragging myself out of bed after six alarms, jumping in the shower, getting dressed and driving to work; all the while attempting to hold back tears as all I could focus on was the fact that I believed I was made to be alone and could never be loved. 

I walked into work with my happy face on and continued to revel in the idea that I was a bitch and that I should not deviate from allowing the world to view me as one. 

Work was a full right hours of the usual nonsense, but that night the need to be evil dwelled inside me and I needed to convince myself that I could support this way of life permanently. The end of the night came and I set my mind to drinking, a task I accomplished quite well. I'm not sure who was there with me except for one man. Everyone else was irrelevant if they did go out that night.

We sat in the parking lot and I was on a mission to have the world see me as this bitch with no emotions. I had been on a week long streak of being this other person who found joy in the pain of others and I knew if I could get this one person to see me this way everyone would follow suit. 

By no surprise he didn't agree to my thought process, but he shook my world when he refused to let me continue to believe that who I was trying to be was who I am. 

I've had people disagree with me before, but never have I had someone look at me and see everything I've always felt the world has overlooked of me. My heart skipped so many beats that night it could've quite possibly stopped. 

That night changed me for better or worse. It led me into situations I never thought I'd be, positions I never wanted to be, and brought me feelings I never felt before.

The Process

You wake up one morning breathing hard from the dream you felt so real and the realization isn't that it was just a dream, but that your mind is telling you its secrets. You worry that someone might see what you know to be true deep inside. You can't help but think that somehow you need to scream out I'm not ok.... Truth is though it's harder to pretend you're ok than to admit you're not; admitting something is wrong however means you will have to deal with it.

Dealing with the pain and confusion of life that takes time; and time is something most don't want to give up. But, committing time to fixing a problem makes living a lot easier.

Time to step up and say .....


I'm not ok!