Sunday, December 16, 2012

Rock hard

As time Goes on and I become older I find that what mattered in life has not only changed, but the world is much smaller than it seems. I'm finding that high school is not so far from the real world and the unfortunate reality of that and realizing how much I hated hi school is quite interesting.

A lot to learn!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

So sick

I'm sick of this feeling of being incomplete!

How is it that we allow someone into our life and when they walk out of it they seem to take a part of us with them?

I would just like to say I'm sick of all the people who are sitting there saying to me "only you can change the way you feel". Um no f*** face, pain is pain and you can't just make it go away. Let me break your arm and in a few months once the cast is off and you're trying to rehab your arm tell you "only you can change the way you feel". Guess what mind over matter my ass! Your arm is going to hurt as it relearns how to be used properly.

Guess what that's what the heart and mind go through after a serious relationship is seriously over. You put them in a cast for a little while and then you realize it's time to take the cast off and teach them how to go out and think and love all over again.

And that hurts more than you could ever imagine! There is nothing more difficult than trying to learn to re love. As stupid as it sounds it's the truth. Go out and everything seems fine and then something happens and you want to call that person who was your number one for so long and you can't.

Or you're out having fun and just hanging out and all of sudden someone finds you attractive and your first reaction is to say no, because you're so accustomed to saying no and then you feel like you're saying no because you're thinking of your ex, so you say yes and then you don't know why you said yes because you don't really think you're interested, but you don't know.

Honestly, what is it about break ups that makes moving forward with your life so difficult? It's as if you forget how to be a normal functioning human.

Ahhhhhh! WTF!

Clearly the only thing I can scream, because curse words really have no meaning and give no explanation and since I don't understand what or why I feel the way I do all I can do is cry and scream obscene things from the top of my lungs. Which is causing me to lose my voice and my dog to bark.

I wish on everything I could find a way around this feeling. At the end of the day, it feels so unnecessary and I want nothing more than to rip my own hair out! Let me just run around doing things I'm supposed to do as opposed to things I want to do!

But then again I don't know what I want to do either.