It began normal as any other; struggling with the ideas of what work could entail, dragging myself out of bed after six alarms, jumping in the shower, getting dressed and driving to work; all the while attempting to hold back tears as all I could focus on was the fact that I believed I was made to be alone and could never be loved.
I walked into work with my happy face on and continued to revel in the idea that I was a bitch and that I should not deviate from allowing the world to view me as one.
Work was a full right hours of the usual nonsense, but that night the need to be evil dwelled inside me and I needed to convince myself that I could support this way of life permanently. The end of the night came and I set my mind to drinking, a task I accomplished quite well. I'm not sure who was there with me except for one man. Everyone else was irrelevant if they did go out that night.
We sat in the parking lot and I was on a mission to have the world see me as this bitch with no emotions. I had been on a week long streak of being this other person who found joy in the pain of others and I knew if I could get this one person to see me this way everyone would follow suit.
By no surprise he didn't agree to my thought process, but he shook my world when he refused to let me continue to believe that who I was trying to be was who I am.
I've had people disagree with me before, but never have I had someone look at me and see everything I've always felt the world has overlooked of me. My heart skipped so many beats that night it could've quite possibly stopped.
That night changed me for better or worse. It led me into situations I never thought I'd be, positions I never wanted to be, and brought me feelings I never felt before.
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